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Tips for Parents or Friends of Victims of Domestic Violence
1) Say nothing against the abuser. DON'T say the abuser doesn't deserve her, the abuser is bad, etc. Conveying negative thoughts about the abuser will only encourage the victim to defend him and the behavior. Keep the abuser out of it as much as possible. FOCUS on the victim's safety and your love for her.
2) Don't agree to keep a confidence when your loved one's safety is at stake. Sometimes the way you learn of the abuse is through a third person who is sworn to secrecy.
3) Tell the victim what information you have, that you believe he/she is being hurt and controlled.
4) Let the victim know that you love him/her and that their safety is of utmost importance to you.
5) Tell him/her there are ways to keep safe and together you and they will get the help he/she needs. It is important for the victim to know that they have options.
6) Learn about domestic violence so you will understand as much as possible about what the victim is experiencing and why they are confused.
7) Let the victim know that you realize that he/she is an adult and ultimately they are the one that needs to decide on what action to take and when. When he/she is ready, you will be there to help as much as you can. Don't make promises or offer you won't be able to follow through on.
8) Be supportive of the victim but not of the abusive relationship. Do not loan the victim money that helps him/her stay in the violent relationship, even if the money is for the children's clothes, doctor bills, etc. Let him/her know you will support them as much as possible when he/she is not in the relationship.
9) Remember that as much as you love and care for the victim, you cannot change his/her life for them. They are the one that has to make the decision. Be supportive, but not at the risk of putting yourself in physical or emotional danger. You can only do so much. It is NOT your fault if the victim decides to stay or return.
10) Give him/her the number to Domestic Violence Shelter and Services, Inc.-910-343-0703.
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